Watching people you know and care about succumb to the effects of age and the diseases and ailments that come with aging is heartbreaking. One moment your mom may be coherent and getting around well, and then a stroke hits or she falls and she’s no longer the same. And neither are you. As a Huntsville estate planning lawyer, I’ve witnessed the devestating effects of aging and caring for aging parents in my law practice, but also witnessed it in personal relationships.
You suddenly realize that mom really won’t be around forever. The once formidable mama bear and ever-present source of love is wilting like a rose under the heat of the Alabama summer sun. She’s no longer the caregiver; she now needs your care. When she’s unable to remember what happened the day before or ten minutes before, when she can no longer remember what medications she’s supposed to take and whether she took them, you know you must take action.
Why Early Planning is Crucial for Aging Parents
Perhaps your mom was proactive and designated you as her Agent in her Power of Attorney, giving you the authority to act on her behalf, choosing an assisted living facility, or hiring caregivers. Provided she’s cooperative with seeking care, this is the best-case scenario. It’s less stressful and less heart-wrenching than the alternative. It also saves money by avoiding the attorney’s fees and costs of seeking a guardianship through the court.
If she has named you as her Agent, you may be able to take action to ensure she has home health care or is placed in an assisted living facility so that she can get the care she needs. If, though, she hasn’t named you as her Agent and she’s not cooperating, you may have to take extreme and drastic action with getting a Guardianship, allowing you to make decisions and take action to ensure she is taken care of.
Power of Attorney: Why You Need It Now
I often get phone calls from desperate people trying to get a power of attorney over a loved one. These frantic calls have often come too late for me to help. I’ve had calls from people whose loved one was on a ventilator and unconscious, diagnosed with dementia years ago but now completely unable to make decisions for herself, and lying in a hospital bed in the final days of life and unable even to open their eyes. Some people call when they are no longer able to leave their home, and though some attorneys can make house calls, those are extremely expensive. The time to get a power of attorney is not when you need it, because that’s oftentimes too late. The time to get a power of attorney is now.
Guardianship
The time to have the tough conversations with mom and dad about their care is now. Encourage and support them to think to the future and prepare their homes for when they cannot get around quite as good as they once did, when they may need a grab bar in the shower or next to the toilet, when the steps to their beloved patio are no longer steps to peace but a nightmare to navigate. It’s not a matter of “if” our parents’ bodies break down, it’s when. We can’t fight the aging process. If a parent (or parents) refuse help, yet are unable to care for themselves, forget to take their medications, and can’t make good decisions for themselves, a guardianship may be required. Guardianship requires court intervention and a court order allowing someone else to make decisions for the parent who is unable to care for themselves. This is an extreme, but sometimes necessary step to take. I hope aging parents reading this will not put their children in this position – take action now to secure your future!
Practical Tips for Discussing Care with Aging Parents
How do you talk to your parents about their needs as they age? First, understand this is an ongoing dialogue as they age and their needs change. This is not a one-and-done conversation. Secondly, you must approach this conversation with sensitivity, empathy, and careful planning. Third, remember that the goal is to create a plan that prioritizes your parents’ well-being while respecting their autonomy and preferences.
Here are some tips to discuss care with your aging parent:
- Express concern and love
- Choose the right time and setting
- Actively listen
- Educate yourself
- Share specific observations
- Emphasize independence and control (this is so incredibly important)
- Involve them in decision-making
- Explore options together
- Discuss finances
- Work collaboratively on estate planning
Huntsville Estate Planning: Preparing for the Future
As an estate planning lawyer, I know how crucial it is to assist families in preparing for these inevitable changes. Estate planning involves creating wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and health care directives that ensure your loved ones’ wishes are respected and their needs are met. Early planning can help avoid the emotional and financial stress of making these decisions in a crisis. Ensuring these documents are prepared correctly and early is essential. Furthermore, these documents should be reviewed every three to five years, so you can be assured that the documents continue to meet your needs as your life changes.
Huntsville Estate Planning Lawyer
If you need assistance with a last will and testament, power of attorney, trust, or advance directive for health care, contact Tanya at Huntsville Estate Planning Lawyer, LLC for a consultation. Let us help you ensure your loved ones receive the care they need and deserve
